The birds and the bees

My 17 month old daughter may not know it, but she learned about the birds and the bees at the zoo last weekend.

It came from the strangest animal too.  She didn’t see it with the monkeys, or the lions.  She saw it with the tortoises.

Sure enough, they were doing the dirty deed, all while the zoo keeper was in cleaning their cage.

At first it looked like the tortoise was just trying to escape.  It looked as though it was climbing the wall.  But alas, it was not a wall underneath the animal.  It was another tortoise.

As we were walking away from the animal pornography, a little boy yelled to his dad, “Hey!  I can see the baby!”

The funniest thing about the whole situation was that I had no idea tortoises made any noise.  But they do.  Oh, they do.

March 9, 2010. I Can't Believe It. Leave a comment.

Gumby and serial killers

When my daughter was born, my husband’s uncle gave him a 6 foot tall blow up Gumby doll.  Apparently it is something J. had when he was a little boy so his uncle thought it would be a fun toy for our little girl.

Her first encounter was a disaster to say the least.  I blew it up, stood it up in our loft and it fell over.  My daughter screamed.  She was absolutely terrified of it.  So I deflated it and put it away.

Just yesterday, I decided it had been long enough and I would try again.  I blew it up and she wasn’t scared.  She actually thought it was pretty interesting.  Maybe it was the tiny Gumby toy she got for xmas…

Regardless, I am deflating it again.  Why you ask?  Because, it disturbingly resembles a serial killer in the dark.

I didn’t think about it when I first blew it up, but I found out in a heart racing instance yesterday.  I was about to leave the house last night and had put stinky in our bedroom.  She is a walker hound so she barks…a lot.  I ran upstairs really quick to put a bark collar on her.  I had already turned the out the lights and just as I reached the top of the stairs, I saw something out of the corner of my eye.  I just about had a heart attack.  I seriously thought someone was up there ready to kill me.  It doesn’t help that Gumby’s left arm is raised in the air as if he were wielding a knife.

So, goodbye Gumby, I am putting you away and unless my fear of serial killers sneaking into my house subsides, you will not be coming back out.

January 20, 2010. Daily Photo, I Can't Believe It, Photos, The Stink. 4 comments.

The McDonald’s Chipette

That’s right.  My daughter’s new, favorite toy was given to us in a bag full of saturated fat and processed apples.  She loves it nonetheless.

When you push her lobotomy scar on the top of her head, she says, “It’s so beautiful!”.  At that point, my daughter uses sign language to say ‘beautiful’.  Trust me, it’s cute no matter how many times she does it.

January 13, 2010. Daily Photo, I Can't Believe It, Photos. Leave a comment.

The Day I Ate Baby Vomit

True story…kinda.  I may or may not have ingested any of it.

It is a life lesson I will never forget, no matter how cute your child is, they have the ability to make you want to throw up.

When my daughter was about 4 months old, she was getting to the point where she liked to be held over my head.  It was fun times.  She would giggle and I would forget the lack of sleep I just incurred.

This was also her peak time of spitting up.  Something I dreaded yet somehow always forgot happened.

We had a feeding/spit-up routine.  I would feed her when we got up in the morning and then lay her on the floor under her jungle gym to play for a little bit.  Then I would pick her up, she would spit up all over me, and we would clean up.

I forgot that last part on this particular day.

It was like a slow motion action scene in a movie.  Me, mouth wide open grinning, and Erin, being lifted above my head after picking her up from under her jungle gym.  It was like Niagara Falls.  There was nothing I could have done.

I had a choice after this all went down.  I was covered in spit-up that I had blown out of my mouth, Erin was covered in spit-up and I really needed to clean my mouth aka vomit.

Being a good mother, I changed her clothes first, laid her on our bed next to dad and went to vomit.

Like I said, true story.

December 8, 2009. I Can't Believe It, Reflections. Leave a comment.

Hiding

My cat hates loves my daughter but sometimes, my daughter can get a little…aggressive. You know, the ‘grab the tail and not let go’ or the ‘lay on top of the cat giving her a hug’ thing.

Well, when I noticed my daughter was trying to get at something the other day, I decided to investigate.  This is what she was doing…

And this was what was under the bed…

Maybe it was the pacifier she wanted but by the look on the cat’s face, it wasn’t.

November 16, 2009. Daily Photo, Gertrude, I Can't Believe It, Photos. Leave a comment.

A baby and her wipes

I have a very baby-proofed house.  The little one rules the loft and her bedroom during the day and there is nothing that she can do any damage with/to.  I turned my back for just a moment yesterday and when I realized she was being very quiet, I went to check on her.  This is how I found her.

She is sitting in a basket that normally holds her lotions and methodically pulling one wipe out at a time.  It’s one of those times that you are thankful your child stays in that position and continues with the mischievousness for you to go and get the camera.

November 11, 2009. Daily Photo, I Can't Believe It, Photos. 3 comments.

The Day I Lost My Brain (i.e. became pregnant)

Ever since I was pregnant, I sometimes feel like I lost something.

Okay, it’s back.  That would be my brain.  It shorts out every now and then.  It is usually in spurts.

Like, one day I may wake up, take a shower, and although I remind myself several times, I will forget to shave my legs.

Then I will wear shorts.

And then I will forget to put on deodorant so that by the end of the day I start to smell like a nursing home.

Then I will leave to go to the post office and forget the mail I was supposed to bring with me.

On my way home to get the mail, I will decide I want to take my daughter to a play area but when we get to the play area, I will realize I forgot her shoes and a sippy cup.

Those are the days I just want to make Hot Cha Cha and lay in bed all day because there is no way I am going to mess that up.

November 4, 2009. I Can't Believe It, Reflections. 2 comments.

My Husband Doesn’t Want To See New Moon

This is how my conversation with my husband about my birthday went…

Me:  I know what I want to do for my birthday this year.  (mind you I didn’t say what I WANT but what I want to do…a gift is still expected and since last year it was a new COACH wallet, I expect this year to top it…)

Joe:  What would you like to do? (in a tone that meant I could do anything I want)

Me:  I want to eat sushi and see Twilight: New Moon.

Joe:  UGH!  Why would you want to see that after seeing the first one.

Me:  Because I just do and it is my birthday.

Joe:  (grumble)

A few days later…

Joe watches a trailer for New Moon on the T.V.:

Joe:  Seriously, you want to see that?

Me:  …

Joe:  (grumble)

I love getting what I want.

November 2, 2009. I Can't Believe It, Reflections. 2 comments.

Apparently Fast Food and Pizza Are Good For You.

It felt like only two months ago we decided to move to Arizona…

About two months ago my husband and I decided it was the right time to move to Arizona. No jobs, no home, we just wanted to move and decided then was the right time.

I know what you’re thinking, we were crazy. I didn’t think so but that is just me. I take risks and they (usually) turn out for the better. Not like that time I decided to put left over turkey from Thanksgiving in my trunk and leave it there for 5 hours while I ate dinner out for my birthday and then drove home just to eat it the next day for lunch and get salmonella poisoning. That probably was a risk NOT worth taking. Eh, I got out of work for a week so I guess there was an upside to the vomiting…amongst other things…

Anyways…It took a lot of convincing on my part to get him to make the jump and it worked.

Now it is two months later, my husband has a great job and we are living in a much larger place than we were before, and for a lower price.

BUT, moving that far makes it VERY difficult to stay on a diet. We drove down here from Seattle. I would say Oregon was the worst since they only let you drive about 55 mph, there was an accident that caused us to go 7 miles in an hour AND there was an Oregon Ducks game. I hate you Oregon. It pretty much sucked. So we ate out for every meal and it wasn’t glamorous. It was McDonald’s and Pizza. Seriously, that is all we ate. I don’t think I can eat McDonald’s again…ever. Okay, well maybe for the 2/$1 apple pies. But that’s it.

Regardless, we ate out. And when we got here and stayed with family, we ate out for lunch every day because I don’t eat left overs. I have learned very well how to make ‘just enough’ food for the one meal. We don’t throw much, if anything, away and so it makes it easy to not eat leftovers at my own house. However, at our aunt and uncle’s house, all they eat are left overs. They make a huge meal and then eat the leftovers, like, for the rest of the week. It kills me.

Okay, so this is my introduction to my diet posts. I only gained 1.6 pounds. Take that! I literally ate out for every meal and I STILL only gained just under 2 pounds. That is awesome but I know I am going to eat it (pardon the pun) when trying to lose any more weight. I love food, Halloween is here so there are 5 separate bowls of candy in my house (plus a huge bag in the pantry), and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. This season sucks. But I love me some decorations. Oh yes and CACTI!!!!

Starting weight: 163.4

Current weight: 157.0

Goal weight: 130

Weekly loss: —

Total loss: 6.4

October 28, 2009. I Can't Believe It, Introduction, Mommy Weight-Loss, Photos, Reflections. 1 comment.

The Day We Started The *GASP* Middle Stages!

Okay, so it was a few days ago that it started but Oh…Em…Gee…it is almost more tiring than her first 6 weeks of life!  We are starting the switch to only one nap a day…

You know when you walk around your house in the dark looking for something and you are always checking behind your back making sure someone isn’t there…that is what this stage feels like.  You never know if the kiddo is going to melt down and nap at 10 AM or if she is going to push through all the way to noon.  And every morning you wake up knowing you will have this feeling all morning.

Then, if she does take a nap in the morning, you can say goodbye to the nap in the afternoon because you KNOW there is no way the nap gods would be that kind to you.  I mean, why should they, it has been easy peasy chicken squeazy for the past 6 months.

This stage sucks.  And I am in the thick of it.  Send a search party in a week if you don’t hear from me.  I will probably be in the pantry.

October 14, 2009. Baby Sleep, I Can't Believe It. Leave a comment.

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